after 9 years

the MASK SHOW
of
Master Patrick and Fantasy48
is
OVER


Open Studio every saturday 2014
filed under THISISMYARTLIFE


the Open Studio is one of THE BEST things happening to me ... and this eeeeevery saturday*

 

above: having a FUN GREAT time with FAB Frank Wilde <3

below: very exciting ... meeting the PHANTASTIC artist Pancho Panoptes^^

 

* Patrick Bartsch´s Open Studio *
every saturday from 3 p.m. - 10 p.m. at Kleiststr. 37a * see you <3

 

 

10 years Berghain 8th august 2014
filed under
openings


what a PERFECT evening/night at the 10 years Berghain celebration ^^ spending many hours with wonderful people ... meeting a looooot of loved friends ... enjoying the Berlin summer evening/night ... GREAT exhibition in a STUNNING new Berghain location ... and YES, Bisky is one of my absolutly fav painters ... and wonderful Ali Kepenek reached me again with his GREAT work and live too ... B I G THX to everyone <3

 

 

some postings which I created on facebook 24th july 2014 - 11th august 2014
filed under mix


stories mix posted on facebook:

26th july: Brian-Tennessee Claflin has a lot in common with Kurt Cobain, Jim Morrison and Axel Rose

... I am just watching a documetary about Kurt Cobain (on ARTE) and I have to think a lot about the life of Brian

Genius Rebells With Big Hearts

27th july: times are changing: the " ONLY WITH MASK "- years are OVER

on february 2006 I started the MASK SHOW with wearing a black leather mask in public and hiding my face as much as possible ... no pictures without mask ... for many years ... before Lady Gaga had her first big success ... before Pussy Riot ... before masks for everyone became popular.

in the beginning it was difficult, because many people and media didn´t accept an artist with a black mask in public. but I had GREAT moments too, such as: meeting Tilda Swinton, Joe Dallesandro, ...

in 2011 I changed the black mask in a golden mask and have been around that way especially every sunday at legendary PORKparty ... partying with Amanda Seyfried, Michael Stipe, ... and thousands of LOVELY PHANTASTIC more people <3

and now: I plan to concentrate myself more on the production of paintings in oil on canvas ... they should get all my energy.
but: in future: sometimes I will wear masks too ... different masks ... for special events ... or when I am just in the mood for it

my face and my real name will be part of the NEW presentation of myself as artist ... as painter

27th july: some stories about my "only with MASK SHOW" (which one has finished since today)

the first about 18 months have been very hard, because I had almost no supporters and even best friends told to stop that "stupid" thing. ... and then I met Brian ... when we talked about what I am doing, then I was very shy about telling him, that I am running around in public while wearing a black leather mask.
Brian´s reaction was "THAT´S GENIUS!" ... YES, Brian has been one of my BIG supporters and gave me a looooot of power to continue that mask show

27th july: after 9 years: the MASK SHOW of Master Patrick and Fantasy48 is OVER

from now on there is just Patrick Bartsch with face*

THANK YOU AAAAAALLLLLL for sharing those PHAAAAANTASTIC years with me <3 LOVE YOU <3

27th july: *** HOL*LY***WOO*D *** in october I plan to travel to * HOLLYWOOD * YES, the mooooost magic place in America ... since my earliest child dreams*

today I don´t know if I am able to make it ... I saved already some money ... not a lot, but a lot for me ... about 300 euro ... I will do everthing to get enough money to do that trip ... my first trip to America ... into the city of my dreams <3

originally it was planed to do it together with Brian ... and now I plan to go there to say the last <3 GoodBye :* to Brian ... while sitting next to the ocean and let flow some sand through my fingers

28th july: oh Brian <3 some days after your death, someone said to me "take as much time as you need to grieve. but don´t despair."

oh Brian <3 it is very hard not to despair

28th july: "Denke nie gedacht zu haben, denn das Denken der Gedanken ist gedankenloses Denken." habe ich im Gespräch mit einer älteren befreundeten Zigeunerin (keine Ahnung weshalb man dieses Wort nicht verwenden soll. Ich mag es einfach und verbinde damit viel Gutes) gesagt.
Sie sagte weiter "Wenn du denkst dann denkst du nur du denkst, weil denken tust du nie."
Ich fragte sie daraufhin "Was dann?"
... und sie antwortete "Empfinden"

das geschah vor etwa 12 Jahren und fliegt mir immer mal wieder durch den Kopf ... und deshalb poste ich diese kleine Geschichte für alle ... für zwischendurch*

29th july: Brian´s death and the guilty question

a part of my grieve I do in public ... almost live here on fb. and yes, there are people they see me guilty enough that they deleted the fb friendship.

Am I guilty!?

if "yes" what should I have done different?

should I have called Brian some more time? ... to check what he is doing
should I have stayed with him more time? ... that he didn´t feel that much alone
should I have said more "I love you" and hug him? ... that he feels it more, how much he means to me

the reality was, that I was blind on a way ... too busy with myself ... ... *hmmmm* now I try to defend myself and I know it´s the absolutly wrongest moment to talk about myself and making defend attemps. but I am aware of that, that those questions and answers will exist for the rest of my life.

people will always judge me and this is their right ... doesn´t matter how much they knew Brian and me.

"You are guilty, because you took dr*gs!"
"You are guitly, because you didn´t take away the dr*gs out of Brian´s life!"
"You are guitly, because you have been a bad influence to him!"
... this and much more will people think about me and talk about me. and the fewest will say it directly to me while looking in my eyes.

How much am I guilty!?

one is for sure: while using dr*gs I felt much stronger than I was. I wasn´t any help to anyone. and this fact makes me guilty on way. and if someone expects at least a sorry from my side, than I would like to write it here: "SORRY!"

29th july: today I continued with the big 1,50 x 1,80 meters Brian PORK party painting. today it was the first time, that it didn´t made me happy to paint. the big "empty" space in the middle is reserved for Brian. I think in about 3 weeks it will be finished

31st july: it´s funny* 20 years ago I was a groupie of supermodel Werner (and met him sometimes in Vienna) ... today I still am and in 20 years I still will be :* WHAT A MAN <3

2nd august: Violence against Jews, Gays and Police is increasing a lot in in Berlin ... that sounds familiar to me ... when do we have to leave Berlin again? ... for the reason to save our lives! ... it´s a tragedy what happens in Berlin right now ... we have no intensions to delete islam people from that planet, but they do ... 3rd world war just started ... a war about religions ... sad sad violent world :(

2nd august: STOP SHARING AND POSTING THOSE VIOLENT VIDEOS AND PICTURES !!! since war exists: everyone is lying about the war! you will never know if those are the real uniforms belonging to those people !!! in World War II and all other wars it is used to wear uniforms from the enemies and created pictures to blame them !!! I AM SURE THAT MINIMUM HALF (I think even up to 80 %) VIDEOS ARE JUST CREATED TO BLAME THE ENEMY !!!

everyone who shares those violent war videos makes themselves part of the war, because those people are SEEDING HATE and are for that GUILTY TOO ! ... think about it.

3rd august: today before the Open Studio, I just thought "today something special should happen..." ... wonderful guests came here and in the evening phantastic artist Pancho Panoptes was standing at my door ^^ we discovered, that we have a lot in common* Thank You for that special evening*

3rd august: Patrick means " HOW CUUUUTIEEEEE :* Baptiste´s new tattoo KL VIII VI MMVIII is the date when Karl & Baptiste met eachother the first time <3 LOVE YOU GUYS <3 :*

5th august: the dialogue about the latest painting, between Brian and me, would be similar like that:

me: "it´s finished"
Brian: "what´s that!?"
me: "this is you Brian ... at your PORKparty ... when Gio did his show there and put you up in the air"
Brian: "TRISH!!!!!!!!"
me: "what!? I think it´s good ... there is enough space left to build up an own fantasy"
and now Brian would say either "I love it!" or he would say "you should hide it and never show it to someone!"

whatever: it´s my first BIG SIZE (1,50 x 1,80 meters) painting and as this one I like it ... of course there is a lot to do better next time ... but at least I like to look at it* and yes, I see the WILD Brian as I knew him and I see the wild PORKparty°°

6th august: (comment pic Schluchsee) this is where and how I grew up ^^ any more questions!? *DAMN* it is AWESOME BEAUTIFUL there <3 I haven´t been there since about 15 years ... why!? because they are homophobic in the F*CKING VILLAGE ... as in most little villages *HMMMMPPPFFF*

6th august: (comment) it feels goog to concentrate on smaller size paintings again* today I listened to "the best of Bach" while creating new paintings. this one is from a photoshooting I did some years ago which was inspired by paintings by Gottfried Helnwein

6th august: yes, of course there exist those of my paintings, where nothing fits together, everything looks wrong ... let´s describe them as UGLY

... nobody wants them and they stay with me ... I see them all the time ... and after a certain time I start to built up a relationship with them ... and after some weeks, some months I start to find some beauty in them and then I start to love them <3

that is the moment when I realize again, that ...

... there is no ugly nature
... there are no ugly humans
... there are no ugly animals
and
... there is no ugly art

<3

8th august: what a PERFECT evening/night at the 10 years Berghain celebration ^^ spending many hours with wonderful people ... meeting a looooot of loved friends ... enjoying the Berlin summer evening/night ... GREAT exhibition in a STUNNING new Berghain location ... and YES, Bisky is one of my absolutly fav painters ... and wonderful Ali Kepenek reached me again with his GREAT work and live too ... B I G THX to everyone <3

9th august: (video comment) Berlin isn´t far away from that ... YES, I have a problem with religions which want to see queer people DEAD !

9th august: when Islam rules the world, then: they would destroy the pyramids & the sphinx in Egypt, the Taj Mahal in India, the Potala in Tibet, ... they would kill queer people, women, ... in daily processes. almost everyone would wear black. DARK DARK BLOODY AGES ... WHAT A NIGHTMARE FANTASY ! ... äääöööhhmmmm "fantasy"? how long THIS WILL BE JUST A FANTASY !!!??? already reality at too many places on that wonderful colorful loved world

9th august: okokok DON´T LET THEM FANATIC ISLAM PEOPLE RULE EUROPE ! THEY WOULD DESTROY ALL AAAALLLLL OF OUR CULTURE !!! ALL CHURCHES !!! ALL "HALFNAKED" SCULPTURES !!! THEY WOULD DESTROY HALF OF ROME !!! MICHELANGELO´S SIXTINIAN CHAPEL !!! DAVID !!! THEY WOULD DESTROY HALF OF GREECE !!! AKROPOLIS !!! AND AND AND ... ISLAM IN EUROPE NEED TO BE STOPPED !!! IMMEDIATLY !!!

the paintings in Louvre in Paris, in Prado in Madrid, ... the list is tooooo looooong .... for what is on their list to destroy

10th august: sometimes ...
as right now ...
<3 Brian <3 is that much present to me ...

I can see him dance ...
can smell him ...
see him laughing ...
hear his voice ... it feels as if I could touch him

and then I realize ... but don´t want to accept ... and have to accept ... that those memories are the only things left for me

11th august: Patrick´s every day life:

DEATH ´ CLASSIC MUSIC ´ BLOODY MASSACRES ´ PAINTINGS IN OIL ON CANVAS ´ ISRAEL ´ PARTIES ´ ART

I try and try and try to understand that world I am living in ... I try to understand myself how I can watch videos of bloody massacres happening in Iraq and some hours later enjoy an art opening. cry about the death of Brian ... then going to a party ... and some hours later meeting friends from Tel Aviv which are watching the latest war videos. and in between I am listen non-stop to classic music such as Bach, Mozart, Mahler, Beethoven, ... which push my emotions ... additionally

I try to run away with my minds ... and dream of a beautiful world in peace and harmony ... where everybody loves everyone ... and animals are loved too ... ... and I realize that those are FANTASIES ´ ILLUSIONS ´ it´s just not existing

it feels that much stange, that it is almost not possible to find words for it

11th august: +++ pls only read it when you can handle "difficult" stories +++

Patrick very personal: yes, I thought about it before, if I should write it here or not. and pls again: stop reading when you can´t handle stories about thoughts of suicide.

yes, I have depressions almost all my life ( I think it got caused actually, because during my youth I needed to hide my homosexuality in a very heavy way ). later I had wonderful months and years, but also I know what it means to have the worst depressions for months and even years. I know how it feels to be in that "BIG black hole" where you don´t find ways out of it and fantasies about an own suicide are full created and finished in the head ... it just needs to do it. but I always found ways out of that "nothing-but-black-in-my-head". I never went to doctors because of that, because they annoy me. I prefered to heal myself ... even when that means to life completly isolated from society for many months.

my last heavy depression just ended about 3 years ago and I was very happy about surviving it. right now I can´t really say, that I suffer a depression, but my suicide plans, which I created for myself some years ago, are sometimes very present. and yes, sometimes, right now, it is hard not realize them. that feeling to follow Brian ... and not to do it ... keeps me "busy"

I struggle with life (and this is not really a new feeling to me) and being sober (since about 5 weeks) is one of my ways to going on with my life. I need to fight hard those days ... experiments are not allowed ... to become stronger again ... step by step ... are my little goals right now

sometimes I realize it is you too ... very special people here on fb (some/many even may have no idea how much they mean to me) which bring me away from suicide thoughts ... when the red fb-symbol flashes, and someone special pressed the like-button and/or wrote a comment. it makes me forget my suicide thoughts and thoughts about literal following Brian ... for a moment and sometimes longer.

and the result for today means: not everything on that planet is dark, there are wonderful colorful people living here on that planet too ... and they make it worth staying longer here

 

 

Patrick Bartsch *new paintings* 25th june 2014
filed under
patrickbartsch - paintings


Brian left that planet exactly 2 months ago. it is accidental that this painting got finished today. a painting (oil on canvas size 1,50 x 1,80 meters) inspired by a photography of Brian´s legendary PORKparty °°

the dialogue between Brian and me, would be similar like that:

me: "it´s finished"
Brian: "what´s that!?"
me: "this is you Brian ... at your PORKparty ... when Gio did his show there and put you up in the air"
Brian: "TRISH!!!!!!!!"
me: "what!? I think it´s good ... there is enough space left to build up an own fantasy"
and now Brian would say either "I love it!" or he would say "you should hide it and never show it to someone!"

whatever: it´s my first BIG SIZE (1,50 x 1,80 meters) painting and as this one I like it ... of course there is a lot to do better next time ... but at least I like to look at it* and yes, I see the WILD Brian as I knew him and I see the wild PORKparty°°


 

the Mask Show is OVER 27th july 2014
filed under THISISMYARTLIFE


after 9 years:

the MASK SHOW
of
Master Patrick and Fantasy48
is
OVER

from now on there is just Patrick Bartsch with face*

THANK YOU AAAAAALLLLLL for sharing those PHAAAAANTASTIC years with me <3 LOVE YOU <3

on february 2006 I started the MASK SHOW with wearing a black leather mask in public and hiding my face as much as possible ... no pictures without mask ... for many years ... before Lady Gaga had her first big success ... before Pussy Riot ... before masks for everyone became popular.

in the beginning it was difficult, because many people and media didn´t accept an artist with a black mask in public. but I had GREAT moments too, such as: meeting Tilda Swinton, Joe Dallesandro, ...

in 2011 I changed the black mask in a golden mask and have been around that way especially every sunday at legendary PORKparty ... partying with Amanda Seyfried, Michael Stipe, ... and thousands of LOVELY PHANTASTIC more people <3

and now: I plan to concentrate myself more on the production of paintings in oil on canvas ... they should get all my energy.
but: in future: sometimes I will wear masks too ... different masks ... for special events ... or when I am just in the mood for it

my face and my real name will be part of the NEW presentation of myself as artist ... as painter


first public picture without mask

 

 

Open Studio every saturday 2014
filed under THISISMYARTLIFE


every saturday * Patrick Bartsch´s Open Studio *

yes, sure I like to take pictures of my homemade cakes too^^ they are *mmmyuummmmyyy* delicious ... with homemade jam, self-made whipped cream and vanilla ice =P

and some days I designed an * OPEN STUDIO * flyer

every saturday from 3 p.m. - 10 p.m. at Kleiststr. 37a * see you <3

 

 

 

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